Here is a page of free, clean but funny wedding jokes. The first section are one liners while the second section are short stories, at the bottom are funny pictures of weddings. Research your MC* wedding speech or just enjoy the best of Will and Guy’s wedding jokes.
* MC Master of ceremonies.
Wedding Jokes – Tasters
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Ronnie Corbett: Do think marriage is a lottery?
Ronnie Barker: No. With a lottery you do have a slight chance.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
The Irish Wedding
At the wedding reception, the photographer yelled, ‘Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.’
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Wedding One-liners by the Famous
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)
There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)